Plentyoffish

Lately I have felt that I have not been giving one hundred per cent in my skirt chasing efforts. I almost always give it my all on the weekends when I go clubbing. However, during the week, I am very much subdued in this regard. There are a couple of reasons for this. Firstly, the standard of women at my workplace is generally poor to average - at least amongst the single women. At a trade conference last year, my Director asked me to list my top three women in the office. He had asked me this question with the intention of possibly playing matchmaker and consequently found it hilarious when all of the women on my list were married. Secondly, I do not like going out on "school nights". I always like to be reasonably fresh for work. Most of my meetings are dull enough without adding a headache and fatigue into the mix.

In an attempt to step change my behaviour I decided to join plentyoffish.com which is the world's largest free online dating service. Whilst I pledged to myself not to join online dating communities, I feel that the fact that plentyoffish does not cost me a dime makes my decision acceptable within my rules. Since I joined three weeks ago I can honestly say that I have not sent one single serious message. For the first three nights I found amusement in sending glib and often rude messages to girls seeking "intimate encounters", some examples of which can be found below:

"Hi. Where do you live in London? We should hook up."

"Hi. Do you want to fuck?"

"Hi. Which one is you in your profile pic? If you are the girl on the right then don't responding because I think you are minging. If you are the girl on the left, however..."

Unsurprisingly I did not get any responses and the novelty soon wore off. As I suspected, I lost interest in plentyoffish until yesterday. When checking my emails I had one which said that I had received a message from a user at plentyoffish. I logged on to my account and found a message from fey1989 which just said "heyx". I immediately checked her profile and saw from her photographs that a) she was pretty hot and b) she had a baby girl. My first thoughts were about what it would be like to have sex with a girl who had a kid. This is something that I have not done before and I have always wondered how tight her vagina would be. After all, Nelly Furtado, named her 2006 album "Loose" in reference to the aforementioned bodily change.

Putting aside these thoughts, I sent back a response, introducing myself and later in the day found out that she was a hairdresser from Colchester, Essex. In the meantime I received another message from jadeglasto entitled "Hola" which read: "Hey how are u, have u had a nice weekend? Have u had much excitement for valentines this year? x". Again I sent a similar response to the one I sent to fey1989 and discovered that she was also 21 years old and a deputy manager at a property firm in Chichester. Jadeglasto only had one picture on her profile and from it I could make out that she was blonde and attractive, with a tight little package. Whilst I find the attention flattering I have already become bored of the small talk. I have sent messages to both girls with my phone number. If they are interested then they will text or call me. I need to make it clear that to them that I am not in this for friendship.